Comments (0)Can You Get Kids Interested In Prayer?
How does this connection fit into the lives of our youth?
December 25, 2009Rochelle Eisenberg
Staff Reporter
How many of us have sat in synagogue with our minds wandering, thinking about what else we should be doing? Or participated in a Shabbat service, reciting the liturgy in a rote manner, meanwhile wondering,“What is the purpose of what I am saying?” and “When is the service going to be over?”
For many Jews, across all denominations, participating in meaningful prayer experiences can be difficult. For some, who never were fluent in Hebrew, the words can be daunting. At the same time, the English translations, when read literally, seem to offer little relevance to today’s modern and fast-paced world.
Youngsters, in particular, often have difficulty maintaining focus on a prayer service when reciting what they see as a repetition of words with little meaning for their everyday lives. “I don’t understand the Hebrew and I don’t agree with the English,” says Alyssa Mendelsohn, an 8th-grade student at Krieger Schechter Day School.
It’s a concern that religious educators are consistently grappling with, as they recognize that if they don’t give meaning and provide a framework for youth to discover spirituality and solace from praying, many of these youngsters will eventually forgo this spiritual act and forgo attending synagogue, as well.
Just listen to a group of KSDS 8th-grade students who agreed to talk about their thoughts, following discussions about prayer conducted by Dr. Saul P. Wachs, a Schechter field consultant, who recently visited the school. He began the dialogue on how to better engage students and faculty with prayer. One common thread that seemed to emerge was a sense that they didn’t like going to synagogue. “It’s not supposed to be fun,” notes Hallie Miller.
Stepping back a minute, it seems essential to ask whether it even matters. After all, many Jews today, who celebrate Jewish holidays and participate in Jewish rituals such as the bris and b’nai mitzvah, say they feel Jewish and certainly identify as Jews, even though they pray sporadically, on High Holy Days, for instance.
According to Dr. Wachs, who is also the Rosaline B. Feinstein professor of education and liturgy and the chair of the education department at Gratz College, a Jewish College in Elkins Park, Pa., it should matter. Historically, he says, there is no record in Jewish history of a people who didn’t go to synagogue that survived.
In America, meanwhile, he adds, “People most likely to have Jewish grandchildren in this country are people who connect to synagogue and the Jewish life cycle.”
On the one hand, Rabbi Stuart Seltzer, dean of Judaic studies at the Shoshana S. Cardin School, says that at some level, we all do spontaneous prayer. “I don’t know any one person who hasn’t said, ‘Give me strength … or ‘Thank you for…’. The challenge is the fixed liturgy of the prayer book, which is more than 3,000 years old.”
It is these words, says Rabbi Yaakov Chaitovsky, a Judaics faculty member at Cardin who also leads the school’s Orthodox service, that can be off-putting at times. “It’s hard even for most Orthodox Jews, even if they don’t admit it,” he says.
“A lot of people read the words, which have no meaning to them. It’s an everyday habit and that’s not really prayer,” adds Ari Isaacs, an 11th-grade student at Cardin, who participates in the school’s Orthodox service.
To engage students is a long process which must begin early, many educators believe. “People now recognize that there are many ways to talk about prayer and a lot of entry points,” says Rabbi Seltzer.
Take the case of Chelsea Burwasser, an 11th-grade student at the Park School and a member of Temple Oheb Shalom. She can recall her early experiences in Share, a parent-child service offered at Temple Sinai in Roslyn on Long Island. During the service, the children did arts and crafts, learned songs and created dramas to act out Torah portions. Although she says she is not well versed in reading Hebrew, the experience provided her with a deep connection to the prayer service that she still carries with her today, attending services at least every Friday evening and some Saturday mornings.
For Rabbi Seltzer, it is important to connect young adults on a personal level, providing a context for them to find an individual connection with the words of the Siddur.
All youngsters, from elementary age to teens, have core concerns that they worry about. As an example, he notes that high school students wrestle with issues of friendship, health, getting good grades and understanding that they are not alone in the world. All are topics that can be found in the words of the prayer book.
Rabbi Randi Nagel, in her Reform service at Cardin, offers a nontraditional approach to the morning prayer service. Sitting recently among a circle with students, she selected a prayer of thanks to study, asking the students to talk about what it meant to give thanks and appreciate what they had.
“I think it empowered them and got them thinking. I don’t think in a traditional minyan they would come away with this,” she says.
In one of the faculty sessions Dr. Wachs held with the teachers at KSDS, he explored ways to make the Birkat Hamazon, the grace after meals, more relevant to students who say it every day following lunch.
“It gave us a chance to think out of the box,” says Robyn Blum, head of Judaics at Krieger Schechter’s middle school, and an educator who is committed to finding ways to engage the students. As a result, she notes that teachers used the prayer opportunity to connect to food and hunger.
“Some teachers created pictures of hunger around the world. Others asked students to list things in their lunch and then list all the people involved who got the food to them,” she says.
Taking this a step further, several area religious school educators have created prayer books, with teacher-led activities, to encourage students to understand the deeper meanings. In 2006, Alex Weinberg, religious school director at Chizuk Amuno wrote “Siddur Sim Shalom Remix 2.0,” an interactive prayer book that includes textual imprints from the current conservative siddur — “Sim Shalom.” Accompanying the prayers are activities designed to make the words personal and meaningful to the students.
When learning the Kedushah, the prayer where the congregation praises God, a hook activity suggests that teachers and students take photos around the synagogue and project them on a wall. The students try to find kedushah (holiness) in each shot.
The book is currently used in about 20 synagogues throughout the country and at Ramah Camps, with separate versions developed for each constituencies.
Joe Roberts, the education director at Beth Am, also created a siddur and he sees his efforts paying off. The 5th-graders can explain what the prayers are about and apply concepts to general Jewish values, as well as discuss historical events, while the older students are still struggling to get through the chanting of the prayers. [See sidebar.]
Rabbi Binyomin Field, director of religious life at Beth Tfiloh Dahan Community School, sees another reason teens are disconnected to prayer. Recalling an international seminar on prayer for day schools, that he attended several years ago, he remembers that the session opened up with the question, “Why do kids not want to davan (pray)? As others were typing down answers like ‘they don’t understand the prayers’ or ‘they are not engaged,’ I typed ‘apathy.’ I think that’s what it is. Teenagers are not thinking about God.”
Many teens struggle with the concept of God. Dr. Wachs attempted to address this issue when speaking with the students at KSDS in hopes of making the middle school students understand that what defines God is not always tangible.
“He said that God talks through our feelings. It’s not the way it is in the Bible where God talks directly to people,” says Jonathan Frier, a KSDS student.
Yet, it is important for kids to understand that not all the time will prayer be deeply meaningful and spiritual. “Sometimes it’s just like practicing scales,” says Dr. Wachs. “We have to say that both adults and kids struggle. It’s OK to struggle. It doesn’t mean we have to abandon it.”
“Because even though as Dr. Wachs says it can be like practicing scales, sometimes, we find that awesome moment, like being up on the stage and playing for an audience,” adds Mrs. Blum.
Hypocrisy
Youngsters note that the act of praying sometimes carries with it a notion of hypocrisy. Many question the notion that if one always recites the prayers at the prescribed time in the prescribed order, one is more spiritual, more deeply connected to God and a better Jew.
“For some people, it’s a way of connecting. For others who go to shul or participate in an aliyah, they are there because they think they have to be there,” says Ari. “It’s more important to be spiritual and help others. People pray a lot, then don’t hold the door for others. What you do for another person is more important.”
“When Dr. Wachs spoke to us, he told us that going to shul every week, doesn’t make one more religious,” adds Jacob. “It’s their relationships to other people.”
In addition, say many educators, it’s important for youngsters to understand that there is not one “right” way to pray and other variations are appropriate. Yes, they note, there are certain prayers and certain choreographies that accompany these prayers that should be adhered to in a service. However, beyond that, if one says less, but understands it better, than one gains a much more valuable experience. [See sidebar.]
Prayer as community
Prayer, in the Jewish tradition, is not always about individuality. Connecting prayer to the personal is the easy part for youngsters, believes Rabbi Seltzer. It’s more difficult to integrate a communal element among youngsters who are not as connected to any community.
In today’s world, we celebrate the individual over the group and children focus more on their own individuality, he adds. “Outside of their friends, I’m not sure what their communities are…what they feel part of.”
Rabbi Field believes that youngsters may always have had some difficulty with prayer, but that “the difference in this newer generation of young people is that they are not as easily led. It used to be you told kids, ‘This is what you are going to do.’”
It’s important to relate prayer in the Jewish tradition to the broader Jewish communal experience. Judaism offers a number of opportunities, from celebrating Shabbat and holidays with other families, sharing in simchahs and finding solace in sitting shiva with other community members.
Jacob cites the fact that Jews have been saying these very same prayers for “1,000 ... 2,000 years. It’s cool to think that in 1500, Russian Jews were saying the same thing, and in 1900 Argentinian Jews were,” he says.
“People come from such diverse populations. There are Jews who lived in the Caucasus Mountains [of Russia] and the hill communities in Africa. It’s interesting how we have kept the faith,” says Ari.
Yet, despite the efforts of educators, many youngsters still have questions. For some of the KSDS students, his sessions helped them recognize that attempting to understand the meaning of prayer and analyzing them in such a way to relate to their own lives has value. But there is still a sense that everyone struggles.
“I don’t think there is anyone in synagogue who doesn’t have thoughts about how much longer it is going to be, even if they are interested,” says Jonathan.
From Beth Am’s student Siddur, created by Joe Roberts:
“Throughout the service, the Torah is called the Tree of Life. What do we learn from the Torah that gives, connects to, supports and/or enhances our lives?”
Students learn that the mitzvot, stories and lessons in the Torah are much more relevant to their lives than they may have originally realized. For older students, we’ll have them make a 3-D mobile. In this version, instead of drawing lines to connect relevant ideas, they choose various ‘connectors’ (paper clips, tape, Band-aids, glue, safety pins…) to give more insight into how these items are connected. For example: A student may use a Band-aid between a bubble stating ‘care for my neighbors’ and another stating ‘classmates at school’. This shows that they know the value of caring connects to their classmates and that they need to ‘heal’ or work on caring for them. On the other hand, a bit of glue between ‘honor thy mother and father’ and ‘family’ may mean that a student feels very strongly about making sure to honor his/her parents.
— Joe Roberts