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July 4, 2008
May We suggest…
Seven Ways To Keep Your Kids Jewish
Maayan Jaffe
Staff Reporter
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It’s the Fourth of July. Fireworks are bursting. Picnics. Baseball games and Chevrolets. It’s the great American dream.
“Our grandparents prayed for a melting pot. What they got instead was a meltdown!” said Rabbi Ephraim Buchwald, founder of the National Jewish Outreach Program. Hot dogs and apple pie are replacing matzoh balls and kreplach.
Assimilation. According to the 2000 Council of Jewish Federations’ National Jewish Population Survey, there are 5.2 million Jews in America, of which approximately one million classified themselves as having been born Jewish but having no identification with any religious group. Two out of three Jews, according to an article published by the National Jewish Outreach Program, do not identify themselves as Jewish or affiliate with a synagogue.
Once upon a time, Jewish rituals like lighting Shabbat candles or giving charity to Jewish organizations kept Jews connected. Today, as our ancient practices disappear, so do the number of people who consider themselves Jewish.
North America’s Jewish population faces a disturbing set of trends that threaten the viability of Judaism. Jews have been persecuted and slaughtered for thousands of years; today, we are slowly killing ourselves.
“There are too many young people today who perceive there is no need for Judaism in their life and they are not even pursuing a dialogue in the community to make Judaism good for them,” said Ruth Guggenheim, executive director of Jews for Judaism.
The result: a loss of Jewish values and population.
“There’s nothing in American culture that preaches values, the society is based all on externalities. TV promotes beautiful people with lots of money and a ‘make me feel good now’ attitude. Judaism is not about me, me, me,” expressed Rabbi Chaim Silverstone, director of NCSY’s Jewish Student Union. “I see down the line the people who are assimilating the most, they are going to fall by the wayside. Reform is going to be totally gone. The other movements are dying out …”
Rabbi Silverstone’s bleak image of the future, unfortunately, is not so far from fact. Scholars Antony Gordon and Richard Horowitz, following the release of the NJPS study in 2000, published a chart, “Will Your Grandchild Be Jewish?” Taking the average number of children per Jewish woman and the intermarriage rates in yeshiva Orthodox, centrist Orthodox, Conservative, Reform and secular communities, they found in three generations, for every 100 Conservative Jews today, there will be only 29. For every 100 Reform Jews, there will be 10. For every 100 secular Jews, there will be only seven.
According to the data, for every 100 yeshiva Orthodox Jews today, there will be 3,401 Jews and for every centrist Orthodox Jew there will be 434. Within three generations, there will be little trace of young American Jews who are not being raised in Orthodox homes!
Rabbi Dana Saroken of Beth El Congregation said this is “very possible,” because of several factors. Nonetheless, she said the Conservative movement, for example, is taking steps to reach out and engage the unaffiliated and her hope is that “by enabling people to experience the power of Jewish living … we will continue to have full sanctuaries.”
Rabbi Saroken also noted that while American and Jewish values are counter-cultural, she doesn’t think we need to be “wary” of secular American culture, but to be better at balancing the two value systems.
There was a time when every Jew could take for granted that he would have Jewish grandchildren with which to share Shabbat and holidays. The data indicates that expectation is no longer well-founded.
Wrote Messrs. Gordon and Horowitz: “Skyrocketing intermarriage rates, declining birth rates and inadequate Jewish education continue to decimate the American Jewish people.”
NJPS showed secular Jews 18-39 have an intermarriage rate of 72 percent, Reform Jews have a rate of 53 percent and Conservative Jews have a rate of 37 percent. Estimated family birth rates, according to the study, have dropped an average of 32 percent among Conservative, Reform and secular Jews. A 2004 report by United Jewish Communities found attending supplementary Jewish schools (religious or Hebrew schools) for less than seven years, or attending Sunday schools for any duration, has little to no impact.
We’re struggling.
Said Rabbi Lee Jay Lowenstein, director of development for NCSY’s Atlantic Seaboard Region: “As kids are more and more involved in society, it’s just harder to impress them, harder to get them in the door.”
It’s clear, Jewish survival cannot be sustained with our current American lifestyle. What do we do?
“We know kids have a terrific time at Jewish summer camp. We know kids who go to Jewish summer camp are more likely to grow up with positive feelings about being Jewish,” said Doug Mankoff, executive board member of the Foundation for Jewish Camp in a 2006 press release circulated by the organization.
According to Mike Schneider, director of Camps Airy and Louise, many of his campers come from communities without many Jews and camp is one of few areas where they get involved with Jewish values. He said the camp offers a not so in-your-face taste of Jewish heritage and pride, and he knows, “the Jewish values we bring to camp in an ever so subtle way have an impact on these young people. … They’ll remember singing Hamotzi the camp way. They’ll remember the bim bams and the Ba’al Shem Tov stories.”
Camp produces lifetime Jewish friendships, said Mr. Schneider, which keep kids associated with other Jews.
Camp also produces Jewish leaders. Jerry Silverman, president of the Foundation for Jewish Camp, told the BALTIMORE JEWISH TIMES that as of 2006, 65 percent of Jewish leaders attended a Jewish sleep-away camp.
“The ability to live Jewishly 24/7 is part of the true magic of Jewish camp,” said Mr. Silverman. “That environment and the influence of incredible role models and educators let campers explore and find themselves in their Jewishness.”
Abigail Paulson is a product of Jewish camp. She attended Blue Star Camp in North Carolina, where today she serves as a unit leader. She said camp helped her connect with other Jewish people from all over the world and to become comfortable with and learn about her religion.
“I know camp helped me stay Jewish because I learned Judaism is not just a religion, but also a culture. When I went to Hebrew school, I dreaded every moment I was there. At camp, I found myself learning more about Judaism every day,” said Ms. Paulson.
The sad truth: According to the American Camp Association, there are about 750,000 Jewish youth of camping age in the United States. Only about 4 percent attend Jewish camps.
Go Camp!
• The first Jewish camp was founded in the 1900s.
• In 2006, there were 130 non-profit Jewish overnight camps in North America.
• Most campers report a higher level of Jewish observation at camp; 30 percent report being much more observant.
• 59 percent of adults who attended Jewish camp belong to a synagogue; 25 percent who didn’t attend camp belong.
• 56 percent of adults who attended camp think being Jewish is very important; 25 percent who didn’t attend agree.
Source: Foundation for Jewish Camp; Amy L. Sales and Leonard Saxe, “How Goodly Are Thy Tents”; 2006 United Jewish Communities report, “The Impact of Jewish Education on Adults’ Jewish Identity.”
“A name is the first sense of identity a child gets,” said Jennifer Moss, founder and CEO of the Web site babynames.com. “The name you give your child should reflect the culture with which you want him to grow up.”
A name is more than a label and giving your kid a Jewish name, said naming experts and rabbis, could do more for your child than you might think. According to Maryanna Korwitts, a self-proclaimed nameologist in Illinois, if one chooses a name for his or her child that is closely tied to aspects present in the Jewish faith, then there is more likelihood the child will remain within the practice.
“If you’re given a Jewish name, you’re more likely to play out that Judaism,” she said. “As soon as a name is put on the birth certificate, it remains with the child forever. The more you use a name, the more you are activating it.”
Being called by a Jewish name is a daily reminder that you’re Jewish.
Rabbi Steven Schwartz of Beth El Congregation said giving a name after a deceased relative — as is common among Ashkenazim — and educating the child about his namesake should make the child feel special, connected to his family line, and have future impact on the child’s Jewish identity.
“Shabbat would probably be the single most important thing and the greatest Jewish gift you can give your children,” said Rabbi Schwartz. “That will stay with them for the rest of their lives.”
Ms. Guggenheim said what children are repeatedly exposed to before the age of 5 has the greatest impact.
“It’s repetition. You don’t tell a kid once to clean his room and expect him to do it for the rest of his life. You say it over and over again until he realizes how important it is to clean it,” she said. “But don’t just light the Shabbat candles and walk away, explain the meaning behind the ritual. Let your kids see the light in your eyes and passion in your heart — then they will feel it, too.”
She noted Shema (daily prayer) is a good place to start because it’s the essence of Judaism, the idea that there’s one God and He’s omnipotent and omnipresent.
“If you feel God is one and God is with you, you’ll have a sense of context as you go through your journey,” she said.
Rabbi Silverstone said every mitzvah a person does is of benefit to him/her — in the present and the future.
“Jews in America have not been that observant for a long time. But there was a strong family unit until about 40 years ago. Strong family ties kept people Jewish,” said Rabbi Shlomo Porter of Etz Chaim. “As family ties began to weaken — divorce, transience, lack of relationships with grandparents — the family stopped being a force. That is why in the last 30 years assimilation and intermarriage have gone sky high.”
Rabbi Lowenstein said it’s critical for youth to have role models within their own family. He said Hebrew schools aren’t working because parents drop their children off in front, never come in or engage with the child about what he is learning. He said the way a family views something — if he acts like it’s important — the child will take the vibe and believe similarly.
He praised Beth El Congregation, for example, for its adult learning program, which takes place concurrently with Sunday school.
“The healthiest and most focused and dedicated parents are the ones who are parking their cars and going upstairs for their learning while the kids are learning,” he said. “You need to strengthen the Jewish experience within the family to maintain a Jewish family.”
Said Rabbi Schwartz: “You have to live Jewishly in your home. Hebrew school, day school, camp — those are all important pieces to building a Jewish identity. But the most important piece is that a family in their home talks about Jewish things, does Jewish things and has Jewish things.”
Blood is thicker than water. Get family together for Yom Kippur break-fasts, Passover seders and Chanukah parties and they’ll always know they have a Jewish support group.
Assimilation: A History Lesson
Assimilation has never been good for the Jewish people. According to Jews for Judaism’s Ruth Guggenheim, history shows that whenever there’s an abundant amount of assimilation and loss of Jewish identity, contrary to what might be expected, there’s a rise in anti-Semitism and an increase in spiritual and physical attacks against Jews. We forget our Judaism until we’re forced to face it through persecution or similar means.
“It happens every couple of generations,” she said. “When we get too comfortable in our society around us and our professional and academic successes replace our spiritual needs as Jews, we always see a negative impact.”
Take the Hellenistic period, between 323 B.C.E. and 146 B.C.E. The Jews were more than willing to assimilate to Greek culture … until the Greeks started forcing it upon them. While Jews prided themselves as Hellenists, the Greeks slowly forbade their keeping Shabbat and performing brit milah, including the tragic events that led to the Chanukah story.
Another example was the massive assimilation in Russia during the Haskalah or Jewish enlightenment period (around 1750-1850). While Jews explored new age ways of being Jewish that had little or nothing to do with Jewish law, the Russian government tried to systematically eliminate the Jewish population of Russia.
And, of course, there was Germany. Pre-World War II, the doors were open for Jews in Germany to become just like everyone else. Jews could attend university, have good jobs and intermarry, for example. But all those “privileges” were stricken from them piece by piece, until Jews lost all their rights and were slaughtered by the millions.
Rabbi Shlomo Porter of Etz Chaim told of a 1908 article by Rabbi Meir Simcha of Dvinsk, Lithuania. The rabbi wrote that since Jews in Berlin are proclaiming Berlin is Jerusalem and Jews no longer need to pray to return to the land of Israel, from Berlin will begin the exit of European Jewry.
Of course, no one can know why the Holocaust occurred. But there is a concept in Judaism that if we won’t be Jewish because we want to, God will make us be Jewish because we have to.
“When Jews feel totally at home,” said Rabbi Porter, “that’s when we need to worry.” •••
“Whatever we fill our home with, is what we tell our children is valuable to us,” said Rabbi Porter.
Phil Miller, Jewish Community Center of Greater Baltimore vice president and building supervisor, said he’s a big fan of having Judaica in the house, but one shouldn’t limit himself to traditional items like menorahs or mezuzahs. He said bringing in modern Israeli photography, fine art and other unique items can add Jewish flavor to a home.
Melanie Waxman, Maccabi youth experience director, said kids are savvy consumers and if you want them to have a Jewish experience and appreciate Jewish culture, you need to feed it to them subtly.
“Get them a DVD with a Jewish theme or Jewish characters but order it from Netflix or Blockbuster. They think these sources are cool, but then they watch the movie and absorb something new or awesome about Israel or Jewish life,” she said. “Steer your kids toward popular books with Jewish characters that explore Jewish themes or values, like Judy Blume. … Turn them on to new Jewish artists that have strong Jewish values … but are also mainstream like Yael Naim, Lisa Loeb or Matisyahu.”
Buying that Jewish jewelry can also have impact. Jerri Rosen, a sales consultant at Zyzyx in Woodholme, said the store sells a tremendous amount of Jewish paraphernalia and she sees it as a way for people to connect to their heritage.
“I think everyone wants a sense of identity,” said Mrs. Rosen. “There are a lot of people wandering out there in the world that don’t connect to anything and then all of a sudden they come across a Jewish star necklace and it brings back feelings from where they were smaller, more traditional. They buy it, wear it, and feel less alone.”
Said Ms. Guggenheim: If we don’t use the media to give over messages of Jewish spirituality, the kids will find their spirituality somewhere else.
“Volunteerism is a wonderful way to express your Jewish identity. Whether we’re sending volunteers to work in a Jewish venue or not, it can be Jewish because of the mandate we have to help in the community,” said Leslie Pomerantz, executive director of the Center for Community Engagement and Leadership.
She said Jewish Volunteer Connection has found that in a world where teens have lots of choices and their time is valuable, having opportunities for Jewish teens to be together doing community service binds them as a community and gives them an opportunity to do some Jewish learning in the process.
“It gives them an opportunity to work together, while exploring what it means to be a Jew,” she said.
Rebecca Budish, a student at Long Reach High School in Columbia, has been an active Jewish volunteer for the past several years. She said helping other Jews gives you a chance to meet and learn about how others practice Judaism, which can impact your identity and understanding of the religion.
“There are so many Jewish volunteer groups. By participating with these you bring fun and the Jewish aspect of volunteering together,” she said. “You can help people and make friends.”
Rebecca is spending the summer in El Salvador with Capital Camps, volunteers with Sinai Hospital’s Race for the Kids and created her own not-for-profit group, “Create a Tie,” with funding from the Howard County Federation.
“Israel demonstrates that Jewish culture, thought and people are alive and well,” said Leonard Saxe of Brandeis University. “A visit to Israel makes concrete what being Jewish or being part of k’lal Yisrael is all about.”
In 2006, more than 100,000 Jewish young adults had traveled to Israel as part of the Taglit-birthright Israel experience. In a study conducted in spring 2006, Professor Saxe, Dr. Ted Sasson and Shahar Hecht found participants a) find the trip Jewishly meaningful, b) express stronger Jewish identities and commitment to marrying and raising Jewish children, and c) are more Jewishly engaged on their college campuses after birthright than students who don’t go on the trip.
Take Jason Narod, 22, who went on the “awesome” birthright trip this past January. He said, “The trip gave me a sense of where I’m from and where the religion comes from. Being in Israel makes you feel closer to God.”
When asked if he thinks it’s important to marry and raise his children Jewish, Mr. Narod said he was always raised with those values, but going to Israel “definitely reinforced” its importance.
Mr. Narod also noted that making lifelong Jewish friends gives him a Jewish social network.
Professor Saxe agrees. “In Israel you are totally encompassed in a Hebrew speaking culture that is organized around the Jewish calendar,” he said. “Even in Tel Aviv and Haifa, Shabbat is a different day. There is no laboratory quite like Israel.”
How Jewish Is Our Generation?
• 60 percent of Jews below 40 years of age live in households identified as non-Jewish.
• 54 percent of all American Jewish children under the age of 18 are being raised as non-Jews or with no religion (27 percent of all Jewish children under 18 are being raised in Orthodox families).
• Since 1985, 52 percent of Jews who married have done so outside of the faith. (That number was only 10 percent before 1965.)