FEATURED JOBS
Comments (0)When I imagined the world I would inhabit as an adult, I imagined a world of moving sidewalks and flying cars. A world of video telephones. A world very much like “The Jetsons.”
As a young woman, I remember speaking with staffers at the phone company MCI. They told me about new technology that would allow us to have one telephone number that we would “carry” with us. They explained that when I was traveling, calls to my home number would reach me at my hotel.
I tried to imagine what this would be like. I thought there would be some sort of computer disk that would fit into the phone. That I would carry this disk with me and simply insert it into the hardware of the phones wherever I was. I was so accustomed to telephones being a fixture in a specific location that I could not imagine having something not only small, but also wireless, that I would carry with me.
And even now that cellphones are ubiquitous, I never imagined they would be used to abuse. But they are.
I was meeting with the staff of the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic Abuse about their upcoming parents and teens event “Power Off Dating Abuse.” It’s the start of a vitally important conversation we need to have with our children. In most cases, when you ask someone what it means to be in an abusive relationship, they may mention physical abuse. Or sexual abuse. Or emotional abuse. Even financial control.
But texts? Wanting to know 24/7 where your boyfriend or girlfriend is and who they are with? Isn’t that just love?
Hi
: )
Where ru?
Where ru?
WHERE RU?
Answer me!
NOW!
Abuse is about control. It’s about power. It’s about isolating and intimidating the victim. And it’s frightening how easily it happens via technology.
Just turn the phone off? Just ignore the messages?
Easier said than done.
And something else is happening. There was a time when a boy would give a girl his fraternity pin to signal that they were going steady. The new sign of fidelity is to give your partner your pin numbers — your log-in codes for Facebook, Twitter and email.
Why? Why would someone need log-in codes for any reason other than distrust and control and monitoring? We need to talk to our children about this.
Before they give away their privacy.
And, by the way, technology has leveled the playing field of abuse. Girls are just as capable of this form of dating abuse as boys. (Just reread the above stream of text messages in a girl’s voice. It’s not hard to do.)
Just like we read the parenting books when our children were infants, we must once again educate ourselves.
Because it’s not as simple as canceling your daughter’s cellphone or deleting your son’s Facebook page. This is the universe our children live in. It’s not about the technology. It’s about helping them navigate their world and being aware of what is and what is not a healthy relationship.
February is “Teen Dating Violence Awareness & Prevention Month.”
Meredith Jacobs, managing editor of the Washington Jewish Week, is author of “The Modern Jewish Mom’s Guide To Shabbat.”