Comments (0)Bat Mitzvah Mom
October 16, 2009Meredith Jacobs
Special to the Jewish Times
Eleven years ago, I sat in the sanctuary of my new synagogue. My parents were visiting. My mother’s and my attention turned to the large window next to the bimah. My mother said, “I wonder what the leaves will look like on Sofie’s bat mitzvah.” Sofie was 2.
Five years ago, I sat in the kitchen of my synagogue. We had invited various kosher caterers to do cooking demonstrations. Each was given a holiday menu to plan.
I was sampling the Sukkot meal. “This will be the caterer and this will be the menu for Sofie’s bat mitzvah, “I decided.
Three years ago, I was given the form to request dates for the bat mitzvah. The closest Shabbat to her birthday was Sukkot. The executive director warned me that the service would be longer than most. I didn’t care. It is a joyous service with Hallel and special blessings for the babies born into our congregation that year. We could have part of the reception in the sukkah.
Wheels immediately started. The DJ, photographer and social hall were booked. I met with the caterer and rattled off the menu decided on years ago. A donation allowed our synagogue to construct a magnificent sukkah. I pored over bat mitzvah planning books, trying to balance celebration with meaning and mitzvah.
One year ago, Uncle Saul promised, “I will be at Sofie’s bat mitzvah.”It never occurred to me that he wouldn’t call Sofie to the Torah the way he did for me and my sister and cousins. Outside, summer haze was giving way to fall winds. It was easy to imagine the bat mitzvah. We knew it would be around this time.
The years became months, became weeks, became days. I don’t remember even once having to remind Sofie to practice. She politely refused my help preparing for her d’var Torah. “Mom,” she said patiently. “I want you to be surprised.”
Last Saturday, I sat in the front row. Sofie sat on the bimah She was beaming; she was prepared. I knew she would do well. What I didn’t expect was how comfortable she was on the bimah.
The forecasted rains never came. It was the perfect fall day. I’d like to think Uncle Saul had something to do with that. I watched my parents stand for their aliyah, watching Sofie read using the yad my mother used at her own bat mitzvah three years ago. I could feel the continuity. I heard my father-in-law chanting lines of Torah with Sofie. I don’t even know if he knew he had joined her — it was as if his voice was acting on its own. Tears streamed down his face.
When Sofie spoke to the congregation, she explained that sukkot are fragile, their wooden frames not meant to withstand pressure or time. We must appreciate and remember the moments of beauty because they are fleeting. In the end, it is not about the sukkah, it is about the family that builds it.
Sofie was right. It is the moments I’ll remember. Every year, around this time.
Meredith Jacobs is the author of “The Modern Jewish Mom’s Guide to Shabbat” and co-author with her daughter Sofie of “Just Between Us: A Journal for Mothers and Daughters” (Chronicle Books, spring 2010).