Op/Ed
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July 18, 2008
Blessing Of The Elderly
Rabbi Amy Scheinerman
Special to the Jewish Times
On several occasions, my mother-in-law has expressed dismay at those among her peers who, having raised their children and now are enjoying retirement, vote against necessary increases to the local school budget.
“They were in favor of everyone paying for their children to be well-educated, but now they don’t want to pay for the next generation,” she has remarked sadly more than once.
My mother-in-law, who is grateful that excellent public schools prepared her three sons for successful college and graduate education, is most exercised by this attitude.
I was reminded of this recently when the parents of members of my congregation moved to Maryland to retire near their children and grandchild-ren. They visited several synagogues and then remarked to me, “Our friends tell us we don’t need to join a synagogue now because our children are grown. Why would they say that?”
A good question. I imagine they say that for the same reason some of my mother-in-law’s acquaintances prefer not to pay for improved public schools. We have sadly become a what’s-in-it-for-me society, a secular value that is spreading like a virus through the Jewish community. Those who raised and educated their children in synagogues were able to do so, in large measure, because older members continued to affiliate, participate, lend their wisdom and leadership, and help pay the bills.
Talmud recounts that once a man named Honi HaMa’agal was walking along a road when he came upon an elderly man planting a carob tree. Honi asked the man, “How long will it take for that tree to grow?” The man replied, “70 years.” Honi was shocked and asked, “How do you know that you will live another 70 years?” “I don’t, but just as my grandparents planted trees for me, I am planting this tree for the generations to come,” replied the man.
Honi went and lay down in the shade under a bush where he fell asleep. Like Rip van Winkle, Honi slept for seven decades and awoke to find a young man picking carobs from a towering carob tree nearby. “Did you plant this tree?” Honi asked the young man. “No,” he replied, “my grandfather planted it.”
I suppose we could say that it is the duty of grandparents to plant “trees” for their grandchildren, but I would hold that it is a privilege, as well. To be able to further Jewish communal life is a precious gift as well as a sacred obligation.
At the same time, it is important for synagogues to be sensitive to the needs of senior Jews and to recognize the value of the wisdom they embody. Torah commands us to “rise before the aged and show deference to the old” (Leviticus 19:32). This means that we need to rethink what a synagogue community can and ought to be, and reach out to our elder citizens and ask what they need and want. We must consider spiritual needs, programming needs and the fact that many elderly are on fixed incomes that are sorely stretched by medical costs and rising food costs.
Some congregations do this exceedingly well and others can learn from those that are succeeding. In recent years, many synagogues have focused on age-specific programming, which can be valuable and satisfying. In addition, we would do well to bring the generations together and build bridges between our elders and our youngsters. Not every child in our religious schools is fortunate enough to have grandparents in the community. Nor does every elder in our midst have family close by. Think of the marvelous shidduchim waiting to be made.
Another comment I often hear: “I can be Jewish without belonging to a synagogue.” This is as often uttered by young people as it is by elders. I do not argue with the contention, but I note that it is again about “me” and there is no sense of community expressed.
Judaism is first and foremost a communal religious expression. Life is lived with other people and we are strengthened, uplifted, supported and enriched by being part of a community that embraces us. Life’s joys are richer for sharing them with a community; life’s sorrows lessened by the comfort provided by a community.
Our tradition teaches that one who greets an elderly person is as one who greets the Divine Presence. We must ensure that the youth-intoxicated secular culture surrounding us is checked at the gates of our synagogues and that Jewish teachings on age, wisdom and respect prevail. Our synagogues need what you have to offer, and in turn they have much to offer you.
Rabbi Amy Scheinerman, spiritual leader of Beth Shalom Congregation
of Carroll County, is active with the Baltimore Board of Rabbis. This
article does not necessarily represent the opinions of other BBOR
members.