A Soldier’s Life

Terror victim’s brother joins the Israeli army.

January 23, 2009

Gil Hoffman
New Jersey Jewish News

Etan Flatow’s life, and his identity, changed dramatically on April 9, 1995, just before his 12th birthday.

That’s when an Islamic Jihad suicide bomber drove a van loaded with explosives into a public bus, killing his 20-year-old sister Alisa and seven young Israeli soldiers who were en route to the former Jewish settlement of Kfar Darom in the Gaza Strip, where she had volunteered teaching children.

From that night on, Etan was not just a West Orange, N.J., kid attending Joseph Kushner Hebrew Academy, but the brother of a victim of a high-profile terrorist attack in Israel, the first American tourist killed in a suicide bombing. News vans converged on his home, thousands attended his sister’s funeral, and Alisa Flatow became a household name.

Since then, that name has remained in the public consciousness, thanks to a memorial scholarship for study in Israel established by her parents, Rosalyn and Stephen Flatow, and a long-fought and ultimately successful lawsuit against the nation of Iran won by Stephen Flatow, an attorney.

Etan takes pride in his sister’s legacy, but admits it wasn’t always easy for him to be known as “the brother of Alisa Flatow.”

Now Etan, 25, has made a name for himself in his own right by joining the Israeli army.

“In high school and college, I was always the guy whose sister was killed in a terrorist attack,” Etan said, in uniform in an interview at a Jerusalem cafe. “All I had to say was ‘Flatow’ and people knew. But where I am now, I’m not just known for my last name. Now I’m just another soldier. But I’m also a soldier who has a greater mission, thanks to my sister.”

In 2002, Etan came to Israel for the first time since Alisa’s death and lived as a volunteer on Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu for six months. He said he did not remember if he felt scared living in Israel at the height of the Second Intifada, but he often second-guessed himself for coming.

“One day I came to Jerusalem, and I was filled with emotion and cried at the Kotel,” Etan recalled. “I knew this was the last place she prayed before she died. It had a big effect on me at the time. I was the same age that she had been. It’s difficult to outlive your older sister.”

In 2005, following his studies at Queens College in New York, Etan returned to Jerusalem for a month and decided he wanted to live in Israel. Three months later, he made aliyah. He subsequently received a draft notice, and is stationed at the Michvey Allon base in the north for basic training and intensive Hebrew language courses.

Etan requested to serve as a shooting instructor, because he has been shooting at target ranges with his father since he was 13, but the army has not yet determined where he would serve the bulk of his six-month service and subsequent reserve duty. He said he was enjoying the army and would not mind extending his service.

Stephen Flatow, who is a former chair of the Community Relations Committee of United Jewish Communities of MetroWest N.J., said he never thought his son would become a soldier or move to Israel. Alisa’s three sisters and their children all live in the same Bergen County community.

“Seeing the influence Alisa had on our family’s life, it’s perhaps a natural progression that this would happen,” Mr. Flatow said.

Alisa was a Brandeis University junior when she took a semester off to study at the Jerusalem seminary Nishmat. She fell in love with Israel, volunteered extensively, and was considering aliyah.

Etan remembered that he was sleeping on the couch in his living room when his mother said to turn on the news, because she was afraid his sister was killed in a terrorist attack. His mother’s intuition was later confirmed by a phone call from a friend of Alisa who was on the same bus.

Even in those first few days of grief, the family was determined to find something life-affirming in Alisa’s death. Her heart was successfully transplanted to a 56-year-old man who had been waiting more than a year; her liver was donated to a 23-year-old man, and her lungs, pancreas, and kidneys went to four different recipients. Her corneas were donated to an eye bank.

Etan talked about the enormous outpouring of sympathy and support that came to the family from the community—the Jewish federation, synagogues, organizations, individuals, even strangers. Her funeral drew some 2,000 mourners to the family shul.

Stephen Flatow is proud of the 150 Israel study scholarships allocated over the past 13 years by the Alisa Flatow Memorial Scholarship Fund, which is administered through the Jewish Community Foundation of MetroWest.

Etan said his overseeing commanders were aware of what his family endured, but few of his fellow platoon members know.

“It’s hard to say if I have come full circle; it’s more of loop-the-loop, a new circle, or a figure eight,” Etan said. “Everyone in my family tries to do the best we can to memorialize Alisa. My father lectures. My sisters went into education. I try to be the best that I can be.”

Gil Hoffman is New Jersey Jewish News’ Israel correspondent.