How To Be Happy

Even though most happiness guides say that they cannot simply “give recipes for how to be happy,” most offer steps toward a well-lived life.

Rabbi Abraham Twerski offers 10:

Be humble, compassionate, patient, open to change, choose wisely, make the most of all situations, improve yourself, have perspective, purpose and search for truth.

Dr. Dennis Prager offers five:

Express gratitude, let go of our images, act happy, don’t rely on children for your happiness and practice self-control.

Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar offers six:

Accept emotion, engage in enjoyable and pleasurable activities, have perspective, simplify, take care of your body and express gratitude.

Arjang Zendehdel offers five:

Gratitude, perspective, faith that everything happens for the good, spirituality and growth.

To acquire these traits, though, is not as easy as reading a book or taking a class. They must be practiced.

For example, Dr. John Drimmer, co-founder of The Positive Psychology Center of California, explained the three exercises he has his UCLA medical students do.

First, for gratitude: Every night for a month, students must take five minutes to go through their day and think of three things that made them happy.

Dr. Drimmer said, “The reason to do it at the end of the day is we know about the nature of memory, and the last thing reflected on before we go to bed is very powerful.”

Second, for meaning: The students meditate in class on their week, to find what it was that was most personally meaningful.

“Why did that matter to you?” He keeps asking them to get it down to an irreversible word: “Invariably the words are different aspects of the same irreducible gem—they are all words about connection and caring and unity.

Third, for purpose and using strengths: Each student must ask five classmates to identify their five top positive characteristics from a 24 “Character Strengths” list, and then see if they can use those strengths the next day.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of the “Flow” series, doesn’t offer exercises, but he does advise people to become involved “a self-contained activity,” one that is done simply because the doing itself is the reward.

This is also said about mitzvot, or positive commandments: they are a reward in themselves.

So where does Judaism fit into this? Does God want us to be happy?

There has long been a debate as to whether it is an actual mitzvah to be happy. “Mitzvah Gedolah Lehiyot B’simcha,” Rabbi Nachman of Breslov said, meaning, “It’s a great mitzvah to be happy.”

According to Rabbi Matityahu Glazerson, who wrote “Letters of Fire: Mystical Insights Into the Hebrew Language” (Feldheim), many of the words for happiness kabbalistically refer to a certain type of happiness.

Sasson is a sudden unexpected happiness, gila is the happiness of discovery, rina is a refreshing happiness, ditza is a sublime joy, chedva is the happiness of togetherness and tzahala is dancing and rejoicing.

Hebrew’s osher, for “happiness,” has the same root as the Hebrew word for head, rosh. Simcha has the same letters as “thought,” or machshava.

In fact, the advent of the Chasidic movement in the 17th century sought to bring a mystic joy—with singing, dancing and prayer—a reaction to what they saw as an overly ritualistic, intellectual Judaism.

The popularity of Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach in the 20th century, again, has sought to bring that primal joy of song back to Judaism.

Most theologians and scientists agree that religion does provide a structure and opportunity for happiness.

“Religion can provide standards of right and wrong that are not altered by expedience. While it is true that people may distort religion for their own needs, religion can still provide guidelines that help us know how to be more considerate, more compassionate, more spiritual,” Rabbi Twerski writes.

Amy Klein is religion editor for The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles.

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