printSeptember 12, 2008
Jewish Stereotypes
Are they relevant today?
Elinor Spokes
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You’ve got to be carefully taught,” sings Lieutenant Joe Cable in the 1949 musical hit “South Pacific.” These Oscar Hammerstein lyrics so beautifully and melodiously illuminate that prejudice is a learned response, not an innate human characteristic, and that children learn of bias by hearing it from their parents.
Are stereotypes, like prejudice and bias, learned because they are taught from generation to generation? With the face of Judaism changing due to intermarriage, conversion, immigration and other factors that impact the makeup of the Jewish people, do stereotypes still apply and have relevance today?
Stereotypically Jewish attributes — dark complexion, large nose, black or brown hair, brown eyes — are no longer the “norm” for the face of Judaism. Actress, dancer and recording artist Stephanie St. James, appearing as Squeak in the national touring production of Oprah Winfrey’s “The Color Purple,” defies every Jewish stereotype. Born to a Russian Jewish mother and a Guyanese father who met in Israel, St. James’ parents moved to the United States before she was born.
“Because of my background being so diverse, I am in the perfect position to open people’s minds on how they view race, the world and ethnic groups, and I feel that I can change someone’s mind on how they see things,” she remarks, proud to defy physical stereotypes.
“Stereotypes are a hindrance whether you are a Jew or a non-Jew,” says St. James. Growing up in Northern California in a predominantly white community with few inter-racial couples, St. James felt different and a bit misplaced from a very young age. But now, living in Southern California and New York where there are many interracial couples and families, she notes, people don’t overreact when they discover that she is Jewish. “People try to find out my background and are curious.”
The stereotype of the archetypical Jewish mother is perhaps the most common of classic portrayals: an overbearing, opinionated, pushy matriarch who meddles in the lives of her progeny, keeps a meticulously tidy home and insists that anyone who enters her home needs to consume more food than is humanly possible.
Does that stereotype apply to young Jewish mothers today? If the face of the stereotype changes completely, will their children be cognizant that the old stereotype existed?
Rhoda Silverman, cantor of Temple Emanuel of Reisterstown, certainly defies the afore-mentioned description of a Jewish mother. An academic (she is currently pursuing her Ph.D. at Baltimore Hebrew University), a religious leader, a triathelete, mother of two daughters, and wife, she feels that, “Stereotypes can serve as a model if they are positive but are more likely to hinder because we assume that is the way we should be.” She adds, “Change in stereotypes takes time — some may die out and new ones will emerge.”
Despite her theory on the potential of stereotypes to morph with the times, Cantor Silverman’s own personal experience would suggest otherwise. In preparation for last Passover’s Seder, Silverman’s husband, Chuck, ironed the linens and set the table. Upon the discovery of this, her 9-year-old daughter exclaimed, “Mommies are supposed to do the ironing.” Despite setting an example of a more modern Jewish mother for her two daughters, the girls had clear conceptions of which duties should be within a Jewish mother’s domain.
Beth Rosenwald, vice president of RBC Wealth Management, a working mother with two sons, admits to occasionally suffering from “working mother’s Jewish guilt.” When asked what about that complex is Jewish, Rosenwald explained that her family’s expectation was for women to stay home and be quintessential doting Jewish mothers. By not conforming to that stereotype, she sometimes feels conflicted.
“The stereotype of a Jewish mother is someone who is completely and organically involved,” notes Rosenwald. “When I am at work, I am focused, and when I am home, I am focused. I don’t think that aspect of the Jewish mother stereotype changes. I am very proud that my boys see a very strong, independent, educated, thinking woman as a Jewish mother.”
Jewish males’ stereotypes have typically referred to “the nice Jewish boy” — his physical appearance, average height, dark hair, choice of profession (well-educated doctor, lawyer, accountant), and his deference to his overpowering Jewish mother.
Jay Cohen, father of two, and chef and restaurateur of Mia Carolina in Glyndon, doesn’t fit that mold. Growing up, his experiences in the kitchen with his mother was a positive early influence and gave him exposure to cooking.
He admits that there was probably a lot of doubt in the minds of people when a “nice Jewish boy” from Owings Mills opened an Italian restaurant, though he admittedly has never really felt a connection between his religion and his profession.
Cohen’s observations of the way many of his dining patrons order their food, however, are clearly formulated with a Jewish lens: “Jewish diners can’t possibly order off the menu as it is written if you were holding a gun to their head,” he says with a chuckle. “That seems to be uniquely Jewish. I can always tell it is a Jewish patron just from looking at the way the order comes into the kitchen — with lots of modifications.”
Cohen adds that he tries to teach his own children to order food without changes and that he hopes that we, as Jews, can grow past that stereotype. “We learn so much from our parents and how they do things, it is hard not to pick up what they do.”