May 9, 2008
Mom’s Best Advice
Written By Elinor Spokes
Click here to purchase photos.
Humor columnist and journalist Erma Bombeck once said, “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Reflecting on advice given to them by their own mothers, several local Jewish mothers with young children and/or grandchildren now choose whether to echo or dismiss these pearls of wisdom when parenting themselves.
Susan Wolf Dudley had so much advice to share that her daughter, Jill Dudley Cohen, gave her a book in which to record it all. Ranging from tips on healthy lifestyles to education and fashion, most are about finding happiness in life. One of those sayings is, “We live on in the acts of goodness we perform and the lives we touch.” As Cohen conveys these sentiments to her 11-year-old son, she says she “hopes he grows to be a person who makes the world a better place.”
Sometimes words of wisdom need a little re-interpretation to have meaning for a younger generation. Kathy Fried shares this advice her mother gave to her. “Always act like a lady, so you will never look back with regret for having said something or behaved in a way you wished you hadn’t,” she recalls. Fried notes, “I put those words into context for my kids, ages 8 and 6, and said to them, ‘If somebody did that or said that to you and it hurt your feelings, then you know it is wrong to say it to someone else.’”
A legacy of advice from mothers whose own mothers are no longer living can be comforting, yet bittersweet. Hilary Epstein lost her mother to cancer last year and often reflects on her words, “You always have to have a smile on your face and enjoy every minute because you don’t know what tomorrow might bring.” She reminds her 9-year-old son of this when his attitude needs a little adjusting and perspective.
Judy Kolker, a mother and now a grandmother, lost her own mother at the age of 13. When she was in fourth grade, her mother left her a quotation from Keats’ “Ode on a Grecian Urn” and a message in her autograph book that she said has helped form the person she became: “‘Beauty is truth, truth beauty, that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.’ Always be kind, Judy dear.” “These are powerful messages for me to this day,” says Kolker.
Meanwhile, Melissa Cordish, a mother of three sons, ages 9, 7 and 4, remembers with clarity a day her oldest son, Sam, who was then two months old, was crying incessantly. When she called her mother for some comfort, her mother responded, “Don’t worry, sweetie. This will end and something worse will come along!” “You know what?” remarks Cordish. “She was right!”
Stephani Schlossberg Renbaum (left), mother of a son, David, 7, and daughter Sarah, 5; grandmother Ruth Lev; and Stephani’s mother, Judy Lev Schlossberg (far right) together recall advice passed down through the generations of women in their family. A shared favorite is from the days when a laundry line was used for drying clothing: “If all of our neighbors carry their troubles in a basket and hang them out to dry, I would always take my own problems home again in my basket.”
But the essence of all her cherished messages, the one Schlossberg now conveys to her daughter (far left), is the importance of sharing time with family and friends: “Sharing the soup, chocolates, holidays and enjoying family.”