Rabbi Melanie Aron
This week’s Torah portion is Vayeshev: Genesis 37:1 – 40:23
What enables us to change? What gives us the motivation and the strength to abandon familiar ways and attempt something new? How often do we fail to change our habits or our character, even after heartfelt resolutions? Success in this endeavor is a major victory.
In this week’s Torah portion, Parashat Vayeshev, we see two of Jacob’s sons undergo significant transformations.
As the parashah begins, Joseph, a teenager, a braggart, takes pleasure in tattling on his brothers. By the end of the portion, a more mature man, he takes responsibility and expresses concern for the well-being of others.
In a similar way Judah, Joseph’s older half-brother, will be transformed from the instigator of Joseph’s exile, suggesting to his brothers that Joseph be sold, into, as we will see in a future parashah, Benjamin’s courageous defender, willing to risk the wrath of Pharoah’s second-in-command.
Joseph endures separation from his family, enslavement, false accusations and finally imprisonment. Judah suffers the death of his two sons, his wife, and potential embarrassment in revelations about his personal conduct in the matter of Tamar.
The personal suffering that each of these men endured brought about internal change. Joseph learns to make his way in a harsh world with awareness of the feelings and needs of others. Judah, having lost so much himself, develops empathy for his father and overcomes his feelings about his father’s favoritism.
Jewish tradition often talks about yisurim, suffering, as chastisements of love. Traditionally understood as correction, like the discipline of a caring parent, when these negative experiences come upon us, we are told to understand them, not as God’s abandonment, but as signs of God’s care. Yet on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, when we pray that God will forgive us, we ask that this not be achieved through yisurim: “And that which I sinned before You, erase in Your great mercy, but not through the means of yisurim or terrible disease.” In Talmud Berachot 5b we find that yisurim are not welcome, even among devoted students of Torah: “Rabbi Chiya bar Abba fell ill and Rabbi Yohanan went in to visit him. He said to him: ‘Are your yisurim, sufferings, welcome to you?’ He replied: ‘Neither they nor their reward.’”
Yisurim challenges, even serious illness, can sometimes be educative, leading us to lasting character improvement or great insight. But not always, nor do we wish it upon ourselves, even if it might change us for the better. Certainly, we shouldn’t say to others that their suffering has been worthwhile because of what they have gained
Jewish methods of self-improvement include mussar, practices of character development. They begin with cultivating self-awareness. How different would Joseph have been if he had recognized the impact of his behavior on others? Engaging in self-examination is step one.
Identifying the qualities that we want to enhance in our lives is step two. God is righteous, merciful and patient. These are godly qualities that we can cultivate. Aware of our natural proclivities, whether toward impatience, entitlement, or lack of confidence in our ability to take meaningful action, we can lean into the opposite of these qualities, to achieve the right balance.
Improving our character is a lifetime challenge. Yet if we see even small improvements in ourselves, we can persist, gaining strength from knowing we are heading in the right direction.
Living in Washington, D.C., near her family, Melanie Aron, rabbi emerita, is involved in the Jewish Earth Alliance, JAMAAT (Jews and Muslims and Allies Acting Together), and NAORRR (National Association of Retired Reform Rabbis).
