Bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs, also known as b’nai mitzvahs, are a well-known ceremony in the Jewish community that marks the coming of age for a Jewish child; however, today’s b’nai mitzvah celebrations look a lot different than those even 10 years ago.
“When I was growing up, mitzvah celebrations were like, every kid looked forward to it, it was a really big deal,” said Hedy Klotz, a mitzvah stylist who has been working with families to plan their wardrobes for bar and bat mitzvahs for a decade. “The celebrations were often huge, one-night-only blowouts.”
Klotz, originally from Michigan, said the b’nai mitzvah parties often had hundreds of people in attendance. “The party was the right of passage. [The parties] always had a nice venue,” she explained. “It was a really big deal.”
However, Klotz said that today, bar and bat mitzvahs look and feel very different.
“I think COVID was what probably shifted a lot of these decisions for people to choose more personal experiences rather than over-the-top events,” Klotz explained.
“When I was styling clients for mitzvahs during COVID, people were doing them on Zoom, so your parties and your events look a lot different,” Klotz said. “They would have them in their backyard, and you’d have to social distance.”
Klotz added that now she is seeing people host smaller, more intimate gatherings in their backyards, and are even hosting the services at their house.
For her children’s b’nai mitzvah, they decided to host the service in their backyard with a small group of friends and family, roughly 50 people, according to Klotz.
“My kids are 20 months apart,” Klotz explained. “I wanted to just do one mitzvah, and I wanted to do them together.”
Klotz said she connected with a cantor who has helped families curate ceremonies outside of the traditional synagogue setting.
After the children worked with a tutor, provided by the cantor, she said, “He brought his Torah to our beautiful backyard.”
She added that she has been to a few b’nai mitzvah services that were held in barns and outdoor community centers. “Families are opting for celebrations outside of synagogues.”
“There’s a real shift towards celebrating a spiritual milestone in a way that’s not as performative as when I was growing up,” said Klotz. “More authentic.”
Klotz also noted that some people have skipped the party altogether and taken a family vacation instead. Klotz added that, “Friends of my kids are doing destination trips that carry meaning for their family; like one kid went back to Argentina, where his ancestors are from.”
Another trend Klotz said she has noticed in the past decade is a shift toward sustainability.
“Invitations [are] now on recyclable paper or [are] digital,” explained Klotz. “Instead of using tons of flowers, people will use single flowers or biodegradable tableware, and planners are also selecting venues that are … minimizing [their] environmental impact.”
The evolution of b’nai mitzvah celebrations reflects a broader change in priorities within the Jewish community, which Klotz said she believes can also be attributed to Oct. 7.
“Especially since Oct. 7, I think people are thinking about things differently overall [and] what’s important,” said Klotz.
