Jill Smokler’s life’s work began with a refusal to pretend.

As the founder of Scary Mommy, the Pikesville mother of three gave parents permission to say that raising children could be deeply rewarding and brutally hard at the same time. Her honesty helped turn a personal blog into one of the country’s largest parenting communities.

Smokler died on June 22 at her home after more than two years with glioblastoma, an aggressive brain cancer. She was 48.

Her brother, Matt Epstein, said the public voice readers knew was not a performance.

“From the moment I met my sister, she was authentically her,” he said. “Jill was almost unapologetically Jill.”

In 2008, while raising three young children, Smokler began writing about motherhood. She called the blog Scary Mommy after her son Ben began putting the word “scary” in front of everything, including his mother. Her first post appeared on March 21, 2008, under the title “Here goes. Day One.”

At first, her brother saw the blog as a way to keep up with his niece and nephews. A few posts later, he recognized her talent.

“I was like, ‘Whoa, there’s something here,’” Epstein said.

The audience grew quickly. While social media often presented polished family lives, Smokler wrote about frustration, boredom, guilt, exhaustion and love. She showed that joy and difficulty could exist together.

“She was a true trailblazer,” Epstein said. “There was nothing else written in that way where a mom was writing about all the warts of motherhood.”

Scary Mommy grew into a major digital brand with millions of readers. Smokler became a New York Times bestselling author with “Confessions of a Scary Mommy” in 2012 and “Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies)” in 2013. The site earned multiple Webby Awards.

One of her most important projects was Scary Mommy Nation, a nonprofit that helped families afford Thanksgiving dinners.

Smokler saw mothers writing that they could not afford food for the holiday and decided to act. Families later sent photographs and messages showing what the assistance meant to them.

“She saw a need,” Epstein said. “And rather than just showing empathy and saying, ‘That’s so hard,’ Jill said, ‘I’m going to go do something about it.’”

She was also proud of the Scary Mommy Confessional, which allowed women to post anonymously about difficult parts of motherhood. Other readers could respond and show that they understood.

For Epstein, it was another example of how far ahead of her time she was.

“She changed the world,” he said.

In person, Smokler was quieter than her online presence suggested. Epstein described her as a homebody who preferred close friends, her children, her garden and her pool to large gatherings.

She loved hosting but did not need to be the center of attention. She would plan every detail, then step back and watch people connect.

That instinct also shaped Scary Mommy. She built a large community for others even though her own circle was small.

“She was the ultimate host,” Epstein said.

Jill Renee Smokler was born on July 1, 1977, in Boston and raised in Swampscott, Massachusetts. She graduated from Swampscott High School and Washington University in St. Louis. She worked in design before becoming a stay-at-home mother.

Her creative instinct appeared early. Epstein remembers drawings, crafts and clay fruit plates that she made and sold.

“She always had that creative slant that inspired me,” he said.

Smokler and her family lived in the Washington, D.C., area and Chattanooga, Tennessee, before moving to Baltimore for her then-husband’s work.

Smokler grew up in a Jewish family and celebrated a bat mitzvah, though religion was not central to her adult life. Epstein said she remained proud of being Jewish and was drawn to Judaism’s emphasis on questioning and discussion.

He also saw a Jewish influence in her humor and ability to laugh at herself.

“She was not a religious person,” he said, “but I do think a lot of the core of her ability to laugh at herself was central to being Jewish.”

Her strongest sense of community centered on family. Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday. Epstein remembers entering her Baltimore home and seeing personalized placemats, handmade decorations and carefully chosen details for every guest.

The feeling, he said, was one of “comfort and belonging and warmth.”

Smokler sold Scary Mommy in 2015 to Some Spider Studios in what The New York Times described as a multimillion-dollar deal. She remained involved before stepping away in 2018. Her daughter Lily later described Scary Mommy as her mother’s fourth child.

“She sold it because she had to,” Epstein said. “It was almost eating her alive in the amount of work it was.”

Afterward, she explored writing and podcast projects, including “She’s Got Issues,” and searched for her next chapter.

That chapter was interrupted by her glioblastoma diagnosis in April 2024.

Epstein said her first response was disbelief. Even so, she fought the disease for more than two years, longer than the family expected.

During that time, her children were her priority.

“She wanted to see as much of her kids as she could while she was still here,” Epstein said.

Epstein said his sister’s greatest legacy was not simply that she built a successful company. It was that she helped parents stop chasing an impossible image of perfection and admit when they needed help.

He imagines her children might describe her as loving, warm, authentic and fierce.

“And a legend,” he said.

Ellen Braunstein is a freelance obituary writer. She welcomes suggestions for individuals who had meaningful ties to the Baltimore Jewish community. Email csix@midatlanticmedia.com.