For Anna Carroll and Adara Robbins, while their values are aligned, the two come from different backgrounds in one key sense. Robbins was raised in a Conservative Jewish household, while Carroll comes from a more secular family.
So, when the two decided that they wanted to pursue life together, they bridged this cultural and religious divide with help from The Associated: Jewish Federation of Baltimore.
Carroll and Robbins recently completed The Associated’s Reset and Refresh program, designed for young interfaith couples who want a better understanding of Jewish tradition when they’ve decided to commit to creating a family.
Matt Peterson and Sarah Laadt are engaged, and they also just completed the program. Peterson said that his non-Jewish fiancée was interested in learning more about his culture in a more official capacity, which made this program a great option.
“Sarah was looking for ways to learn more about Judaism. Really get to know other couples that are interfaith as well. It just seemed like a really great fit for us,” he said.
It ended up teaching Peterson a lot about his own culture, too. There are Jewish values and ideas he came to understand better through the program. However, he said perhaps the most important takeaway was that there are other couples in a similar situation to them.
“I learned that other interfaith couples are also [in this situation] and just that we’re not alone in the journey to learn more about Judaism and grow together as a couple through Jewish values,” he said.
In the program, Robbins and Carroll, Peterson and Laadt and the other couples discussed everything from basic tenets of Judaism to what it’s like to keep a Jewish home. Carroll said that, in some ways, her journey into Jewish life was intimidating, but that it was made better by Reset and Refresh’s welcoming nature.
“Something I really, really appreciated about this program was, from the outset, they were so, so welcoming and open-minded and really considerate and thoughtful towards that reality that some folks might be intimidated by the setting, and they went out of their way to be super warm and welcoming, to not assume any sort of base knowledge or experience level, and just explain really clearly and openly and kindly everything that was going on,” Carroll said.
The Reset and Refresh program, a partnership between The Associated’s Young Adult Divison and The Jewish Connection Network with funding from The Associated’s Meyerhoff New Jewish Family Innovation Fund, is made up of couples with one Jew and one person of another religious background. There are also couples with one person who, like Carroll, isn’t religious. There are even couples where both partners are Jewish, but who had different Jewish experiences.
“[This] space has really afforded me a kind and digestible education so that I can get up to speed with the traditions and the practices that are really important to [Robbins],” Carroll said.
For Peterson and Laadt, religion came up on the first date, but it wasn’t something central enough to either of their lives that it created an immediate hurdle. Instead, this class served as a way to help them learn more about themselves, each other and figure out how they want to best move forward as they prepare for marriage.
“It’s a normal thing to talk about religion and to have questions. I think the questions that the other non-Jewish members of the group were having about Judaism were sort of very similar to what Sarah was having, and she definitely didn’t feel alone in that,” Peterson said.
He said that the class was able to answer questions about Shabbat traditions, Jewish customs and practices, prayers, history and more.
“I don’t have all the answers, so this was really helpful,” Peterson said.
When Carroll thinks about what drew her to Judaism and what led her to believe she wanted to begin a Jewish life with Robbins, the first thing that comes to mind is not exactly surprising.
“Food!” she said with a laugh.
She added that the sense of community and service is also key for her. “I also think that I’ve also really appreciated the sort of progressive and community-oriented aspects of the Jewish spaces we found and the practice that we’ve cultivated together,” she said.
The Reset and Refresh class wasn’t the first time Robbins and Caroll had conversations about faith, but the classes helped them further their goals together. For Robbins, a Jewish future was a must-have for her. She told Caroll this relatively early on.
“I just shared very openly about my hopes for raising Jewish kids and what that entails,” she said.
Now, the two look to build on what they have already created.
“Any interfaith couple considering this specific program or just diving into exploring these questions with each other, I would say: you are not alone,” Carroll said. “That was something that was so affirming — to learn through the class that we are one of many couples experiencing the inner faith journey, and also that you are both valid regardless of your background, values, experiences, traditions and viewpoints that you’re bringing to this relationship.”
